@DaddyJew: According to this box of cereal I am a family of 13 eating breakfast
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@Bob_Heller: "May I have my surgery badge, Scout Master?" "Um, there's no such thing." "There was no such thing as a duck squirrel til now. Badge me!"
@CruisinSoozan: I don't want to alarm anyone but I've purchased a ukulele. Soon as I can jam, there'll be auditions for my band behind the 7-11. NO WEIRDOS
@causticbob: Leonardo Dicaprio has addressed the UN about climate change. Well if anyone should know about the dangers of melting icebergs, it's him!
@david8hughes: [police car behind me] Me: shit, was that a red light back there? My dog: like a grey Me: ... My dog: like a light grey. If that helps