@DaddyJew: According to this box of cereal I am a family of 13 eating breakfast
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@Brampersandon_: WIFE: I just bought toilet paper. How are we out already? ME: *hiding dog that I wrapped up like a mummy* it's a mystery I guess
@AnitaHelmet: There's a skinny girl inside me who is just DYING to get out. She stole the last cupcake & then bragged about her metabolism, so I ate her.
@murrman5: we lost our power "why?" a transformer blew up by our house *eyes widen* "that's awes-" it's not as cool as it sounds