@DaddyJew: According to this box of cereal I am a family of 13 eating breakfast
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@WigCannon: What if the missing plane is still up there? "What?" Did you check the sky? "No." See, this is why you'll never advance, Kevin.
@NicestHippo: *tries online dating* Oh…oh no *tries real life dating* Ok this is actually worse somehow
@RobbieGramer: Trumps’ “VOICE” Hotline set up for people to report on crime from illegal aliens was reportedly overloaded with calls about space aliens