@DaddyJew: According to this box of cereal I am a family of 13 eating breakfast
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@LostFelicia: Hey y'all, I finally got a smart phone. I'm a big girl now! Anyone got a 5 year old I can borrow to teach me how to use the damn thing?
@stephenjmolloy: "Ah, Mr Bond, I-" *closes laptop lid and pulls up trousers* "-wasn't expecting you."
@tuckerflodman: Hey girl, on a scale of 'Neo's mind in the beginning of The Matrix' and 'Neo's mind at the end', how free are you tonight?
@HeyZeus666: My boss thinks being gay is a disease so I called in queer this morning. But I reassured him that I should be straight again by tomorrow.