@mydmac: According to this grocery list I've written on my hand, I've invented a new language.
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@AnOrangeSNES: THIS IS SPARTA! *Next slide* THIS IS MY HOUSE IN CHICAGO! *Next slide* THIS IS MY PERSIAN CAT! *Next slide* Leonidas, it's getting late.
@patnspankme: 99% of my Dad’s excellent driving record is due to the defensive driving skills of other motorists.
@KThonvold: Pro Tip: You can slap anybody, as hard as you want, as long as you yell "spider" first. They may even thank you.
@thatdutchperson: My life would have been very different had I done anything with the same intensity as brushing my teeth on the day of a dentist appointment.