@SardonicTart: "Act your age!" I yell at my 11 year-old daughter as I put on my Captain America t-shirt.
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@usermcuserface: How did you find me?? Cop: Your ransom note had pasted letters from a magazine. It was between you and like 4 other people on earth.
@bromanconsul: LA girls say they want to go on "adventures" but when I pitch the idea of overthrowing the yakuza they clarify that they meant, like, hiking
@themorris23: In the car and passed by a cop and my 12 year old says "everyone be cool! Act normal!"nnnExpecting that Father of the Year award any day now
@batsly: I hate when I walk in on another guy in a bathroom stall and, since we're both on our phones, neither of us notices until I sit on his lap.