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@Smooheed: *acts sassy*
*walks into a wall*
@GriffonTaylonYo: Soldier: WE NEED MORE AMMO QUICK!
Me: [sweating bullets] um will these work
Soldier: [amazed] you son of a gun
@Robinbuble: I put an ad in Craigslist for a muscular blonde with strong arms, excessive body hair and a thick British accent so I'm dating Madonna now.
@XplodingUnicorn: If you still have a landline, I assume you also own a butter churn and ride a dinosaur to work.
@jannable9: People can't drive.
Take this guy behind me for example, doing 110 mph with flashing blue lights.
What the hell is a ECILOP anyway??
@iamledgin: Hey, guy in Prius blasting heavy metal - decide which type of annoying person you want to be.