@KevinBuffalo: Actually, I thought 50 Shades Of Grey was about Taco Bell meat.
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@BromanConsul: cute girl just saw me try to walk and drink water at the same time so dating her is off the table now
@VanVeenB: Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they're making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.
@Home_Halfway: *chasing after the person that just robbed my house* TEXT ME WHEN YOU GET HOME SO I KNOW YOU GOT BACK SAFELY