@theycallmehcat: Adding "and shit" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and shit.
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@gobmentcheese: I've worked at my job for 7 years & my boss still hasn't noticed that I only give Magic 8-Ball responses to all of his questions.
@david8hughes: "Write this down." [Moses grabs tablet] "Thou shalt have no other Gods bef-" "Slow down, fella. It's gonna take me an hour to carve 'Thou'."
@ElliotHetherton: [family of snakes boards a plane and spot Samuel L. Jackson a few rows back] Father snake: oh no not this again Baby snake: *starts crying*
@CloydRivers: Hey ladies, No Shave November ain't for you. Just saw some gal lookin' like she was tryin' to smuggle a cactus in her yoga pants. Merica.