@wickedimproper: Afghanistan is just a regular ghanistan that's ghanistan af.
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@bonehugsnirony: [at job interview at NASA] NASA: sir, you're underqualified for this position. Me: have you seen our president? NASA: give him a spaceship
@Reverend_Scott: Son, it's ur 18th birthday, so I got u a brand new car... "OMG DAD. WOW-" ...dboard box. "But-" Pack up, ur moving out birthday boy.
@KKAlThani: Just banged my toe on a table & kept moaning in pain so much that I made a new Coldplay song.