@wickedimproper: Afghanistan is just a regular ghanistan that's ghanistan af.
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@ThisOneSayz: Auto correct changed "absence" to "absinthe" and now my kid's school won't let me be on the PTA.
@SkinnerSteven: HIPSTER COP: *into radio* "We've got a 13-88 in progress...it's a pretty rare crime, you probably wouldn't know it"
@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.