@HomeProbably: After 10 missed calls in a row, I'm tempted to answer the phone just so I can find out who wants to be murdered.
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@XplodingUnicorn: My kids lost a Barbie shoe. I dug in the trash and found one. It was from a set they didn't know was missing Now I'm looking for 2 shoes.
@BlindChow: I struggle against the ropes binding me, catching the scent of gas. "You'll die too," I say. "9 lives," my cat whispers, lighting a match.
@Woody_B_: HER: *spitting out food* This is GROSS! What did you put in this? ME: Old Spice. Just like you said to. HER: I said ALL spice, you idiot!