@TheCiscoKidder: After clipping my toddler's fingernails for over 2 years, I think I could diffuse a bomb while riding a roller coaster.
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@laurenlapkus: I'm not kidding Santa is waiting outside my house til it's "late enough" to go down my chimney
@Jacob_Swift16: Stephen Hawking calculates the properties of the universe from a wheelchair and I'm googling how to get paid without leaving my house
@LoveNLunchmeat: him: [has seen Jaws, is smart, knows what to do when he hears the Jaws theme music] me: [has never seen Jaws, is dead now]