@TheCiscoKidder: After clipping my toddler's fingernails for over 2 years, I think I could diffuse a bomb while riding a roller coaster.
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@brittwastaken: I want to find a way to get women naked, rub them with lotion, and convince them to pay me for it at the end. -The inventor of massage
@jdforshort: There are some problems in life that can be solved with chocolate....others require a full clip and a shovel.
@NurseSeymour: Waitress: need anything else? Me: yes, a cup of black coffee. W: and how would u like your coffee? M: uhhh..black and in a cup?
@jwoodham: The year is 2087. Selfies are the new currency now and that annoying girl you went to high school with is the richest person in the world.