@ClaytonSykes: After getting out of jury duty, it dawned on me that our nation's trials are decided by 12 people too stupid to get out of jury duty.
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@ThRealBallsDeep: <at a baptism> *leans over* Me:What's the WiFi password? Him:Jesus Christ, dude! Me:That makes sense....is it case sensitive?
@remmarg_yelsel: I'd definitely watch a show with Dr. Phil going door to door reading people's Google search history out-loud with the most judgmental stare.
@tararose711: Pro tip: never tell a three-year-old that you're going to Disney unless you plan on leaving that very second.