@ClaytonSykes: After getting out of jury duty, it dawned on me that our nation's trials are decided by 12 people too stupid to get out of jury duty.
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@stonedcoldlazy: Since Canada isn't making the penny anymore-did the price of a thought just go up to a nickel?
@lecalabara: Mario: I killed all your turtle troops.Bowser: Turtle what?Mario: All the turtles that work for you.Bowser: What turtles?Mario: Uh oh...
@theshantilly: Me: How awful do I look? Him: You always look beautiful. Me: Do I need to put makeup on? Him: Maybe just a... *stare* Him: No.
@rolldiggity: Decades of video games have left me WAY too confident in my ability to break open a wooden crate.