@_SingleBabyMama: After multiple failed attempts to sleep in my bed my 3yr old came creeping in wearing sun glasses. After being denied once again she said "I tried a disguise this time. I thought for sure it would work."
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@Mr_Kapowski: Sorry I stole your 1 year old's birthday wish by blowing out their candles but I didn't get invited to the 2nd birthday so my wish came true
@PuckingItUp: I'm just grateful that I don't have to draw on my eyebrows everyday because I would totally forget to do that.
@EndhooS: Cop: [aiming gun] Neither of you move Imposter disguised as me: He's the one you want, kill him... Me: [knowing my wife bought a drum kit for our sons birthday] He is correct