@Cryptoterra: after my son won his soccer game, his teammate invited us over to celebrate. it was father, son, and the goalie host
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@pleatedjeans: Gangs should do drive-bys with t-shirt guns it'd be less violent & the shirt could say "you suck" so the target still gets the message
@ScottLinnen: Filed a restraining order against Starbucks. Creepy. Every time I turn around, there they are.
@Jeff_G_Nixon: [1st date] HER: do you like charades? MIME: [thumbs up] HER: well? MIME: [nodding 'yes'] HER: hello? MIME: [shooting self with finger gun]
@DrDogMD: DR DOG: It says you're here for a blood test. First, some questions. Number one: over the last six months who's been a good boy?