@Cryptoterra: after my son won his soccer game, his teammate invited us over to celebrate. it was father, son, and the goalie host
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Brampersandon_: WIFE (noticing lipstick on my collar): have you been kissing another woman? ME: uhh MY DOG (with bright pink lips): go on, tell her
@drunkNnaughty: If you have to ask if it's too early to drink...you're an amateur & we can't be friends
@AnkCoupleTO: Looks like the concierge is hitting on my wife again but who cares, this cherry danish I'm eating right now is on point nom nom nom!