@CrazyClarine: After Paris my Airbnb host tried to say I stained her sheets & headboard w/ hair dye, but the gag is I don't wear hair to bed.
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@BoogTweets: Psychologist: what is the issue Her: He is one of the most pretentious people I have ever met. Me: *laughing so hard my monocle falls out*
@Mr_Kapowski: We should've cremated Michael Jackson in case of the zombie apocalypse or else people will think they're part of a Thriller flash mob