@pinupteacher: After seeing my dog scoot her butt across my rug, I've decided I need to up my break dancing game.
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@TheToddWilliams: GOOD COP: Three robberies in the same neighborhood ...do you know what I'm thinking? PSYCHIC COP: Yes GOOD COP: Oh right
@werehedgehog: In 1752, Benjamin Franklin invented electricity because it was no longer considered humane to execute people using an acoustic chair.
@jonnysun: the next time u see a fork in the road, just try to remeber that at least, no mater wat u did, u werent the person who tried to eat the road