@pinupteacher: After seeing my dog scoot her butt across my rug, I've decided I need to up my break dancing game.
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@ilovepie84: Mall security asked me to empty my pockets. My response was "you won't find a better job or respect in my pockets"
@Quartzjixler: I was late so I shoved a whole taco into my mouth. It was a sight to behold based on the facial expression of the lady in the adjacent car.
@Sean_Burgundy_: I always try to hold in my sneezes so I don't give someone a reason to talk to me