@neiltyson: After several Steven Segal films in a row, you'd think bad guys would know to avoid rooms that contain both him & a PoolTable
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@knot_eye: Even though she's not Native American, my Wife always sends smoke signals to let me know when dinner is ready.
@daemonic3: ME: [sees old friend with new wife] Hey congrats on the wedding! Where did you marry? HIM: Maui ME: Oh, sowwy! Where did you mawwy her?