@neiltyson: After several Steven Segal films in a row, you'd think bad guys would know to avoid rooms that contain both him & a PoolTable
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@jake_likes_naps: HER: [she puts her hand down my pants] mm what do we have in here ME: [sweatin because thats where I keep my chicken mcnugget stash] nothin
@ShrinkMedia: My son just got his brown belt in Tae Kwon Do. If you threaten him, he bows respectfully before he runs.
@matt___nelson: *beats dead horse* *kills two birds with 1 stone* *lets cat out of bag* *takes bull by horns* *breaks camels back* *gets kicked out of zoo*
@NicktheDrummy: We're gonna party like its 1999. //breaks out Nokia flip phone and starts to panick about Y2K//