@MarfSalvador: [After sitting for a portrait for 18 hours] Where's the artist?
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@msdanifernandez: My mom's favorite internet game is "Log me into the Facebook. Is this the Facebook? Is that your brother? Why is he drinking upside down?"
@JimmerThatisAll: This day in history. 1965. The Who's equipment van was stolen while they were inside the Battersea Dogs Home choosing a dog to guard their van.
@curlycomedy: Cop: When the meteor landed on the Old Navy Store it obliterated the clearance section. Me (also a cop): *Solemnly* Yes. There were many casual tees.
@MattOswaltVA: saw girl I have crush on with her new fiance at Ikea but you know what they say, when God closes a Stǿrås Innjørdën he opens a Főnstǝrviviǵ