@notalogin: After the hipster got his girl pregnant, he wouldn't shut up about how he was into her before she got big.
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@PJTLynch: People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
@goldengateblond: "We had unprotected sex. Give us a present." -- the subtext of every baby shower
@MooseAllain: Very sad to hear about Nigel Farage. Nothing's happened to him, I'm just sad to hear about him.
@MandiAtRandom: I have never in my life tried to pronounce an L so hard than when asking my dad for the "caulk"