@notalogin: After the hipster got his girl pregnant, he wouldn't shut up about how he was into her before she got big.
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@_ElvishPresley_: Bruce Wayne: hey, how would you like to take a ride in my batmobi—I mean…brucemobile? Date: uhh Bruce: my regular normal carmobile
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Movie tickets for 4: $56 Popcorn: $16 Hot dogs: $20 Sodas: $14 Candy: $15 Parking: $5 Seeing the smiles on your family's faces: $126
@iwearaonesie: friend: Try this me[takes drink] It's wine friend: Did you detect a hint of anything? me:Alcohol friend: But what did it taste like? me:Wine