@timdonakowski: After weeks of being called lazy, not only did I put up all our Christmas decorations today, I also took them down.
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@DurtMcHurtt: I love giving a little kid the tongue, and then watching him run to his mother holding the severed tongue I just gave him.
@Roxtalled: Opening a Twitter account is like opening a bag of money after you rob a bank. You're happy until shit explodes in your face.
@dreamsinchocola: My husbands signature move is running to town "real quick" and coming home 5 hours later.