@timdonakowski: After weeks of being called lazy, not only did I put up all our Christmas decorations today, I also took them down.
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@Amburglar_: If someone came to my door & said "We'll give you a dollar for every plastic bag shoved under your kitchen sink." I'd be living large.
@TylerFoFyler: I'm not saying I did terrible things last night, but Satan just woke up on my couch and won't make eye contact.
@huntigula: Your resume just says "falconer" "And?" Well, this is a bank *falcon starts break-dancing* "Not yet Tyler, wait until he offers us the job"
@AndyRichter: Imagine you know a guy named Gary, & Gary calls his car the Garymobile & insists that you do, too. What I'm saying is Batman is a douche