@timdonakowski: After weeks of being called lazy, not only did I put up all our Christmas decorations today, I also took them down.
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@PostCultRev: DATING PROFILE: I'm looking for a partner in crime FIRST DATE: Okay, I need you to kill the mayor
@WilliamAder: What are people in motels doing that they need such a steady and reliable source of ice?
@moiragallaga: The fact that people use the wrong "your," "there," "it's" and "its" yet spell "Bieber" correctly just kills me.
@dshack8: "Lady In Red" is my favorite song about a guy that's trying to get laid even though he can't remember her goddamn name.