@CornerPubRon: After years of intense research, I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is actually the cremated remains of all my other socks.
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@beefman138: [At my front door, speaking to a detective in my robe] Me : Can I have my robe back, please?
@Jerrypleasure: date: i am interested in a charming guy [to impress her] me [lifts off flute]: awesome, hold this snake
@NolaChef504: When my boss is mad and takes it out on me, I do less work. Can't reward bad behavior with a positive response. Training works both ways
@squirrel74wkgn: Establish dominance at your in-laws by continuing to eat that piece of fruit even though you didn’t know it was plastic.