@CornerPubRon: After years of intense research, I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is actually the cremated remains of all my other socks.
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@lilgapeach30: Stepped on an action figure in the shower and simultaneously invented six new cuss words in four different languages.
@KentWGraham: When I awoke from the car accident in a full bodycast, my wife was right at my bedside to let me know that childbirth is still more painful.
@ThaJawn: *hands note Boss: *reading* 'Please excuse my son from' Ridiculous! You're working! *thinking* I practiced my Mom's signature for nothing
@missmayn: Mexico should agree to pay for the wall then once it's built tell Trump he did a terrible job and refuse to pay up.