ME: is this heaven or hell
SPIRIT: idk why don’t you bing it
ME: oh noooooo
@Tommytoughstuff: PRISON GUARD: (shines the spot light on me as I scale the fence) I can’t believe he hasn’t dropped his ice cream.
@elle91: In fifth grade, we were supposed to write a story about an antihero but I was only half-listening so I wrote a 6 page story about an ant who helped people quit smoking and my teacher sent me to the school psychologist.
@NikiWithIssues: If Snow White can trick 7 men into supporting her, then I'm sure I can find at least one sucker to do that for me.
@TheTweetOfGod: Everyone in "Star Wars".
Everyone in "The Muppets".
Everyone in "Game of Thrones".
This is now the first tweet with over 140 characters.
@elynnbarlow: *Gets divorced*
*Deletes 'actress' from LinkedIn profile*