ME: is this heaven or hell
SPIRIT: idk why don’t you bing it
ME: oh noooooo
@jctsmileyone: No YOU let your kid think he could turn the traffic lights green with his mind powers until he was 10 yrs old!
@coketruck76: Pal: That's an impressive stingray. How'd you catch it?
Me:*flashes back to being dressed as girl stingray* You know, the regular way.
@sarcasticmommy4: Thoughts & prayers for my son who thought his phone was charging overnight only to find he must go to school on 6%.
@AaronFullerton: Before you buy that nice jacket online, ask yourself: "Am I willing to delete one extra email every day for the rest of my life?"
@Robert_Beau: I'am drinking with my new GF and her gay friend from work. So there's 100% chance I'am getting laid and a 50% chance I'll like it.