@Donna_McCoy: Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, but there sure are a lot of unauthorized charges on the credit card.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: No thanks, haunted houses. I can walk down the street at night being terrified some man is going to jump out at me for free.
@Shelts99: My wife wants me to make her scream in the bedroom. The 32 lego pieces & 6 upturned plugs, I've strategically placed, should do the trick.
@UncleDuke1969: Doctor: You're gonna lose that eye. Me: That's HORRIBLE! D: You need to be optimistic. M: HOW?!? D: Think of it as 'your glasses half full'.
@Chumpstring: SCIENTIST: the earth is dying ME: oh no how long do we have SCIENTIST: 8 maybe 9 months ME: so what you're saying is no more condoms