@RunwayDan: Airbags should deploy in the form of balloon animals. Sure, you've been in an accident, but now you have a whimsical puppy dog.
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@juliussharpe: For just $28,000, I will teach any politician or politician's wife to wave like a normal human being.
@SlipperySecret: Sorry I called you "sexy" and didn't really mean it, but I was hungry and you were a mirage of pizza.
@TheToddWilliams: [movie casting] ME: I'm here for the stuntman job "Do you have any experience?" ME: No, but I took a… "Please don't" ME: …crash course