@Humor_Fetish: Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices
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@Brampersandon_: WIFE: would you chop these onions for me ME: sure WIFE: I meant with a knife ME (tightening the belt on my karate robe): aww man
@lisaxy424: My parents are replacing a toilet in the house I grew up in, so now it's just some potty that I used to know. Thanks for following.
@novicefather: QA Manager: And what is the protocol when an aircraft comes inbound with a suspected Ebola case? "WTF. Planes can catch this shit too?"