@andypatton: Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.
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@SmithWit: He said the spark between us was gone, so I tasered him. I'll ask him again when he wakes up.
@SamGrittner: I celebrate International Women's Day by visiting my local CVS and torching all their 'JUST FOR MEN' products while screaming: "NOT TODAY!"
@tricycle_champ: BREAKING NEWS: Bread is extremely toxic to humans. "Just throw it all in a lake somewhere," says one long-billed scientist
@NicestHippo: Mr. Jones, did you or did you not have an affair with the victim, Diana? "No!" Oh really. And what's your first name? "Indiana" [jury gasps]