@andypatton: Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: "Sorry, but none of my clothes fit today." My date nods, and politely avoids looking at my towel and safety pins.
@samfromks: *Holds centipede up to your cheek as you're sleeping and whispers* Hey baby, the restraining order said a hundred feet...
@girl_a_whirl: A bird in the... *BLOCKED* Birds of ... *BLOCKED The early bird catches the wo...*BLOCKED & REPORTED FOR ABUSIVE CONTENT -worms on Twitter
@sixthformpoet: If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never ageing is wearing the same clothes every day.