@1evilidiot: Alcohol is like Lysol for feelings, it won't kill all of them.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ibid78: "Dave's coming over." -Dave from work or Dave that doesn't know how doors work? [doorknob sorta jiggles for like 20 minutes]
@farleftcoast: Text from husband: Where are you at? Me: Before I tell you let's talk about ending sentences with prepositions.
@meganamram: Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won't send MY dog to obedience school
@Birdhumms: A selfie stick is very useful..... .. as a prod to keep people out of your personal space.