@1evilidiot: Alcohol is like Lysol for feelings, it won't kill all of them.
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@DancesWithTamis: [The Beatles writing Here Comes The Sun] Paul: so what should come after here comes the sun? [Ringo screams from bathroom]: Doo Doo, Doo Doo
@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: The kid was holding a sparkler. Me: ...I thought her arm was on fire. Wife: You hosed her down for 9 minutes.
@bobvulfov: absolutely disgusting that we as a society are still okay with people making hats out of cowboys
@TheAlexNevil: Not to brag, but I was voted "Most Likely To Mention Something Truly Insignificant As If It Was A Big Deal" by everyone who has ever met me.