@JohnDuffy21: Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya.
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@SortaBad: Every time I'm at a friend's house I look at the ceiling & say "You like to watch, don't you.." so I look cool if they have a hidden spy cam
@Brampersandon_: FIREMAN: this blaze is out of control ME: sometimes you gotta fight fire with fire F: what? No M: *already brandishing a flamethrower*
@ChrisIsJoking: It's weird they report fantasy football during Sports Center. That's like the local news telling us how your SimCity is doing.
@TheRolo: [Dollar Store Interview] "What are your qualifications?" [Slides over a dollar] "Cashier job is yours" [Slides $2] "Welcome to Management"