@cray_at_home_ma: Alexa, take down my Christmas decorations.
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@Vodkantots: "How much for the supermodel?" *winks seductively "Ma'am, that's a mirror and you appear to be having a stroke."
@Dustinkcouch: If I had a million dollars for every time I looked at the negative side of things, I'd have way too many god damn taxes to pay.
@michaelianblack: Maybe Taylor Swfit dates Justin Bieber and John Mayer dates Selena Gomez and it's like matter/anti-matter and they all explode?
@JessicaVarsity: If someone doesn't respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don't love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.