@wolfpupy: aliens took me up to on their ship but i have no time for that drama so i just jumped out
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@JeffLoveness: If Batman gets to use a piece of Kryptonite against Superman, Superman should get to use a piece of Batman's parents. Fair is fair.
@smint: Wearing 'EarPods' is my favorite way of making the rest of the world believe my verbal outbursts are part of a heated phone conversation.
@joe_binkley: Chopped: College Edition. "In your mystery basket: Ramen Noodles, coffee, crippling debt, a worthless degree. Chefs, you have 30 minutes."
@meladoodle: The new options on Facebook look like the life cycle of every relationship I've ever had