@wolfpupy: aliens took me up to on their ship but i have no time for that drama so i just jumped out
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@EndhooS: GF: I'm leaving you Me: WHAT? WHY? GF: You're too afraid to take risks Me: [Softening Doritos under a tap before eating them] THATS BULLSHIT
@o__0Dev: VW have got in2 trouble 4 falsifying data, apparently this is not d first time the Germans have been found guilty of lying abt gas emissions
@KeetPotato: me: "£4,000 for a beehive?" salesman: "sir, there are 8,000 bees in there, that's only 50p each" me: [checking my wallet] "give me 3 bees"
@IamEnidColeslaw: my date is in 2 hours, which means I have very little time to fix my glasses and fix my bangs and get a career and lose 50 pounds