@GabbbarSingh: All good students of Astrology drop out midway after they learn enough to find out. :)
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@RussBland: [JOB INTERVIEW] It says on your CV that you are a magician, can you show me? ME: *Points on CV to where it is says I am a magician*
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: *points to 2-year-old* Her shoes are on the wrong feet. Me: That's what happens when she puts them on herself. Wife: I watched you dress her.
@DanMentos: [commercial] "This commercial is so confusing. I wish they would just tell us what they're selling" narrator: Narrators
@rebrafsim: Dracula: I vant to suck your blood Me: well technically, no -- you don't suck what you're drinking. You want to suck my NECK Dracula: vhoa