@JimmerThatisAll: "All I ever wanted to do is make a difference." - Subtraction Man
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@Humor_Fetish: Friend: "Did you bring condoms?" Me: "No need. If I'm drunk enough to talk to a girl, I'm way too drunk to get it up."
@tararose711: My 3yo's bedtime stories include: "Three-Hour Run-On Sentence," followed by, "Ask For a Drink 500 Times," and finally, "You Skipped a Page."
@hoops_Daddy: Kid 1 swallows coin= rush to ER Kid 2 swallows coin= wait til it passes Kid 3 swallows coin= deduct from allowance.