@SuperApple8: All I want in life is to be cool enough to cut up slices of an apple and eat them directly from the knife.
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@ruinedpicnic: [Friend opens Christmas present] Me: It's a lie detector Friend: Oh... I love it Me: (whispering) we'll see
@GVNGMiami: Biden: Maybe we make our own country and he won't be invited Obama: Joe Biden: And MAYBE THIS TIME WE CALL IT THE BLACK HOUSE RIGHT BARACK