@SuperApple8: All I want in life is to be cool enough to cut up slices of an apple and eat them directly from the knife.
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@k_lli: My calendar says I have 18 meetings left this week. Time to go lick Maria in accounting; she's coming down with flu.
@DevilryFun: I got a facial tonight by hovering over the boiling water before throwing in the mac n cheese.
@craiguito: My ex used to say there was one person for everyone. I didn't realise he planned to be that person
@bdbdleeroybrown: I wish you'd told me you were happy just flirting on twitter. I've already bought plane tickets and murdered my wife.