@abhorrent_wife: All it took was a skirt and one strong gust of wind and all of a sudden, my spirit animal is Hello Kitty.
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@PwrFulWmn: You attract more men when you smell like butter, sautéed ham and onions than any expensive perfume.
@rockymomax: [i bite into an apple and a swarm of bees comes flying out] "this gives me an idea for a restaurant"
@verycleverruse: Me: this doesn't seem right Dentist: u know on tv when they say 9/10 dentists M: yeah D: im the one *he resumes hitting my teeth w/ a comb*
@SortaBad: Body: go to sleep Brain: what country has the largest population of goats? Better run a search on this