@tinatbh: All my friends look like a Victoria's Secret model and I look like a Victoria sponge cake
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@FoxCGrandpa: Reading my shopping list and finding "a shit ton of oats" clearly in goat handwriting again
@LionJenkins: Rolls down car window. Throws caution to the wind. Spends an hour cleaning caution off the side of the car.
@Black__Elvis: My favorite Star Trek episode is that one where Captain Kirk saves the Klingons hundreds of dollars on hotel reservations.
@BruceForce: Why the hell do they call it fruit punch, like where do they get "punch" fr.. *gets knocked out by a grapefruit*