@tinatbh: All my friends look like a Victoria's Secret model and I look like a Victoria sponge cake
@pakalupapito: Me: Treat yo self
My Bank Account: DO NOT TREAT YO SELF
For when you'd love to wake up in the morning...naked on a raft in your neighbour's pool, but lack the motivation
@SkinnerSteven: Whatever doesn't kill you TRIED TO KILL YOU!
@Ristolable: Did you see that? That's the third time she came over here. I think she likes me.
"This is Applebee's and she is our waitress"
@jonnysun: my son just asked me where do pizzas come from adn has yet to ask me where do babeys come from. thats my boy