@tinatbh: All my friends look like a Victoria's Secret model and I look like a Victoria sponge cake
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@davidkenny100: *Text I'm on my way Kurt Cobain: take your time Ok cool Hurry up Er... sorry The choice is yours Oh! Ok Don't be late Ffs dude!
@Book_Krazy: Batman: Why so down? Aquaman: People think I'm not a real superhero. I'm tired of being walked all over. *[Jesus enters] Aquaman: Dammit!
@justabloodygame: [throwing a party] I invited Judas. That okay? "Judas from IT, or the guy who betrayed Jesu-" *loud knock* "It's the Roman legion. Open up!"
@FaisalAdam_: In a parallel universe, cartoons are watching us and thinking "how sad, they die if you drop an anvil on their heads..."