@Mr_Kapowski: All my punishment tactics against my 8 year old were in vain until I threatened to transfer her most valued Pokémon to the Professor
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@QwertyJones3: "You're never going to believe this, but my doctor just told me I've got a protein deficiency." "No whey!"
@Iffy_hazard: Have been an Arsenal fan for barely an hour and I'm already frustrated,how have they been coping for the past decade?😭
@ThaJawn: (Animal spelling bee) Owl: Your word is Mississippi Snake: M I Sssssss Sssssssss Badger: *in audience* OH FFS THIS IS GONNA TAKE FOREVER
@fart: what's cool about Mitt Romney is that when you put politics aside he's still a genuinely detestable person