All of my friends are in love and I'm still on my own but I'm not gonna feel bad for them.

@jus4golf: My wife said she for Lent she was giving up eating meat. I thought she did that after the wedding vows.

26

@Book_Krazy: Me: you can't just be pretty. You have to be smart too! 8: But mom, you're pretty. Me: Awe thank......wait what?

73

@Cpin42: Schrödinger's wife: Have you seen the cat? Schrödinger: I have good news and bad news

1

@ThaJawn: *puts Fitbit on Roomba *eats crackers with no plate or napkin

114

@Bluestmoon_: I love waking up next to you, I say as I roll over and gently kiss my bag of Doritos

1

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