@SomthinBoutSara: Good cop: frisks you Bad cop: takes his time

@chrisanna4real: Ever since Crystal signed my yearbook in 4th grade, all of my summers have been rad and I haven't changed, just like she asked.

@therealeatwood: ADMIRAL: We must surround and board the enemy’s ship CHIEF PETTY OFFICER: And then we can walk right past them like they’re not even there

@ohpeetie: It's 27 outside. Oh great, even the weather is younger and cooler than me now.

@murrman5: *put cooked chicken in oven* *offer to cook date dinner* *put raw chicken in oven* *immediately pull out cooked chicken* *keep eye contact*