@Laser_Cat: All the girls I've ever kissed can agree on one thing. It's weird that I have a beak.
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@TheAlexNevil: "In just 4 years, you can get a 4 year degree!" Yes, "university" commercial--that math checks out.
@KKAlThani: Ten years ago, we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash & Bob Hope. Now we have no jobs, no cash, & no rope to hang myself with if I read this again.
@jimmy_boston: Wife: Did you measure for carpet? Me: Yeah, from the window Wife: Don't Me: To the wall Wife: Don't Me: tothesweatdripoffmyballs! *runs*
@BucMarvin: Guinness Book of World Records should be in the Guinness Book of World Records as being the book with the most world records.