@Laser_Cat: All the girls I've ever kissed can agree on one thing. It's weird that I have a beak.
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@truegritrumble: COP: Know why I pulled you over? ME: *sliding off of elephant* Zoo wants its elephant back? COP: *nodding* The zoo wants its elephant back.
@TheBoydP: If by “chivalry is dead” you mean “I put my coat in a puddle for my wife so she's making me do laundry for a week” then yes chivalry is dead
@HomeProbably: I've received so many Christmas cards from people I don't know this year, probably because they weren't addressed to me.
@noog: If your kid's shitty kindergarten drawing is hanging on your fridge, you are an enabler of mediocrity.