@hidingfromme: All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
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@JosephScrimshaw: Actually Frankenstein was the name of the scientist. I, the person correcting you on this trivial point, am the monster.
@ShutUpThatsWho: Interviewer: Your CV is a flip book of you setting things on fire. Me: Wrong. If you flip the pages the other way I'm putting the fires out.
@AnOrangeSNES: *Walking with wife listening to Dust In The Wind* Me: This is our song. *A dude walks by listening to it* Me: That's OUR song! GIVE IT BACK!
@AmishPornStar1: I'm not saying I'm an idiot... But if some village comes looking...tell them you never saw me.