@hidingfromme: All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
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@legendofchelda: Having a crush is weird bc one minute you're a normal person and then out of nowhere you're like damn I wanna bake that boy a pie
@matt___nelson: *walks up to dealer* I would like 3 weeds please "Are you a cop?" No I love crime and tomfoolery "..." Could I also get a bushel of cocaine?
@sheekaxo: Threw some protein bars in the trash & now the raccoons are bench pressing my neighbors Great Dane in the backyard.