@Underchilde: All these fireworks and still my girlfriend has the shortest fuse.
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@caperbc75: I feel bad for that caveman who invented the wheel because you know his mother-in-law was all "She shoulda married Grog. He invented fire"
@jbillinson: Obama: Tell Joe why he can't booby trap the White H- Biden: Now hold on a second, just know that no matter what you say I'm doing it anyways
@HairyJew4Life: Why would you stay friends with an ex-girlfriend? When you get fired from a job, you don't stay around and watch other people do your job.
@AsgardianRose: Perks of being an adult: I can eat 8 cookies, no one can stop me. Cons of being an adult: I ate 8 cookies, no one stopped me, I feel awful.