@kwirkyKerri: All these knights going on a quest for the Holy Grail was a waste. They should've just asked their moms. Moms can find anything.
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@samalmightysam: Back in the day, with $2 bucks you could go to the store and walk out with a bunch of Doritos, and beer. Now they have security cameras.
@akatinamarie: I can't tell if the vegans upstairs are having sex or are finally eating a steak.
@MelvinofYork: Me: Just so you know, I’m DTF right now. Wife: I don’t know what "DTF" means. Me: Take a guess. Wife: (pause) Definitely Too Fat?