@ramblinma: All these people training for marathons and I'm over here, on my couch, trying to lasso the remote with my phone charger.
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@michael_hendrix: Pokemon Go is already more popular than Tinder, another app where you swipe to find monsters in your area.
@IamEnidColeslaw: my date is in 2 hours, which means I have very little time to fix my glasses and fix my bangs and get a career and lose 50 pounds
@ShutUpThatsWho: [first karate lesson] Me: *entering dojo* BONSAI!!! Sensei: Do you mean 'Banzai'? Me: *just starts chucking little trees at Sensei*