@simoncholland: Almonds are good for when I want to have a healthy snack and want to stop having twelve dollars.
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@Smooheed: I just ruined my 5 year olds' entire life by using the wrong shade of yellow for the sun Yay parenting
@NoogsCorner: Cigarette: Hey buddy. Me: I don't smoke anymore. Cigarette: But buddy. Me: NO. Cigarette: Buddy? Me: You do make a good point. Fine.
@daemonic3: [heaven's IT department] Ok, I see why your computer's crashing. Have you been closing doors again? God: Yes, why? Too many open windows