@SincerelyMen: Almost a billion dollars have been spent on campaign ads so far. It's a good thing our schools & economy are in great shape or I'd be pissed
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@rockymomax: [elementary school] BULLY: gimme your lunch money ME: no B: *grabs me by shirt* I said give it M: ok but this has to stop I'm your teacher
@greggjgc79: Excuse me, you with the heels that make your calves perfect, designer dress that accentuates your curves.... You have lettuce in your teeth
@BlindVigil: Q: "How long were you at your last job?" A: "Seven-and-a-half inches... same as now"
@adamjest: *makes doctors appointment* *arrives 20 minutes early* *waits in doctors office for 7 hours*