@8bitgun: almost called my teacher "mom," but I caught myself after "mo" and added an "n." I had to pretend I was Jamaican for the rest of the year.
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@Matt_the_1st: If Seal was my friend, I would never miss an opportunity to ask him, "Wanna go clubbing?"
@thejamietighe: Stop earbuds from tangling by putting them on then carefully stapling them to your body. Who's ready for music? Not you. You have tetanus
@KalvinMacleod: Do you have to go to the bathroom? No You sure? Yes How about now? No Now? No [movie begins] Daddy? FOR CRYING OUT LOUD
@YoungNobler: It's the 20th anniversary of Infinite Jest and the 6th anniversary of my buying Infinite Jest and never getting around to reading it.