@8bitgun: almost called my teacher "mom," but I caught myself after "mo" and added an "n." I had to pretend I was Jamaican for the rest of the year.
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@RidiculousSheri: "You look really pretty today," I said as I looked in the mirror, and my reflection replied, "And you...um, you have a GREAT personality."
@decentbirthday: friend: they say pennywise takes form of your greatest fear [later] tv: the big bang theory marathon starts now! me: holy shit it's him
@NINETIREDBUGS: the moon has NO GENDER and IS MY BEST FRIEND and SAID YOU GUYS HAVE TO BE NICE TO ME OR IT'S CANCELING TIDES FOREVER
@causticbob: I met a girl at a club the other night and she told me she'd show me a good time. When we got outside, she ran 100m in 9.69 seconds.