@8bitgun: almost called my teacher "mom," but I caught myself after "mo" and added an "n." I had to pretend I was Jamaican for the rest of the year.
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@WheelTod: A guy I know got bitten by a radioactive bedbug. He spent 3 weeks in a coma, but when he came round again he was able to fold a fitted sheet
@TheCatWhisprer: Instead of a flask I keep a small kitten in my jacket pocket that I pull out for a quick pet whenever I need a pick-me-up.
@TheAdly: Why is your ass split vertically? Because if it was split horizontally it would clap when you're going down the stairs.
@bridger_w: I think playing Zelda gave me unrealistic expectations of how much of my neighbors' pottery I can smash