@MarcusTheToken: Alright white people, had to Google "totes" to find out what the hell it meant. I know one of you came up with it. Cut that shit out.
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@iinkedZombie: My son asked me what it's like to be a parent so I woke him up at 3 a.m. to let him know that I couldn't sleep.
@NurseSeymour: Waitress: need anything else? Me: yes, a cup of black coffee. W: and how would u like your coffee? M: uhhh..black and in a cup?
@QwertyJones3: "Doctor, I'm afraid of people yelling letters of the alphabet at me." THERAPIST: Oh! You are? WHY???