@msgwenl: Always a bridesmaid, never a new world-order leader in a post-apocalyptic all-powerful matriarchy. Sigh.
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@illTortuga: "Hey, wanna hangout?" "Later." "Now?" "No, later" "How about now?" "Jesus christ." -if Adobe Updater was your friend
@ahoytheboat: my criminal record is only clean because of how fast i can run with my pants around my ankles.
@jimmytorosian: [two hours into describing a criminal to a police sketch artist] ...But when he took off the mask, he just looked like a normal guy
@RowdyBowden: Fifth Third Bank? I don't think you understand how to number things, which is something I generally look for in a bank.