@AaronFullerton: Always amazed when I see people slip guns into the back of their pants. How is that comfortable? How do you not get a weapon wedgie?
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@UncleDuke1969: Her: What do you do? Me: Global prosthetics distribution. Her: You’re an artificial limb salesman? Me: I prefer ‘international arms dealer’.
@ShutUpThatsWho: Interviewer: Your CV is a flip book of you setting things on fire. Me: Wrong. If you flip the pages the other way I'm putting the fires out.
@wolfpupy: heres my To Do List - become the new kfc colonel, mess with texas, invent a new animal just to piss off scientists