@lisaxy424: Always answer a math question in a silly voice because if you're wrong they'll think you're joking and if you're right they'll feel dumb.
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@PopSlapFunk: 5: "Dad, to be the man of the house, you need to wear pants." Me: ... 5: ... Me: "It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Job's all yours."
@3sunzzz: My son is suspended? Yes, in-school suspension. So he goes to school? Yes, but he's suspended. Suspended IN THE SCHOOL? Yes. Idiot.
@tylerschmall: *walks into Babies R Us* Hi I'd like to buy a baby. "Sir we don't-" *I slide him a 100 dollar bill* "This way please."