@lisaxy424: Always answer a math question in a silly voice because if you're wrong they'll think you're joking and if you're right they'll feel dumb.
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@lecalabara: Me:Everything you know about me is a lie.Coworker:So you didnt dance naked in the fountain at the mall?Me: Everything other than that.
@ItsAndyRyan: 'Space Jam' never gets old - that's because in the sterile environment of space fruit preserves don't spoil. Hi, I'm Neil deGrasse Tyson.
@SgtButtCheeks: Saying 'Do you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you?' only works in the movies and not with strangers at Sports Authority
@PissingLaughter: Fake moms- 'I never want to be away from my children' Real moms- 'You drop that pizza, I'll put you up for adoption'