@pushinghoops: always carrying a megaphone in case you have to sigh at someone far away
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@trojansauce: [after frodo throws the ring into the volcano] FRODO: well? VOLCANO: omg yes! FRODO: i love you VOLCANO: i love you too
@Death_Buddy: *gets summoned to the spider court* YOU ARE HEREBY CHARGED WITH THE CRUSHING OF 4 SPIDERS HOW DO YOU PLEAD? *places glass over spider judge*
@ArfMeasures: WIFE: I'm leaving ME: Well it's no suprise, our relationship has slowly deteriorated and I'm not sure we even like each other any more WIFE: I'm leaving to go to the shops ME: Ooh get tacos
@juliussharpe: Million dollar idea - an app that connects you with other people eating beef jerky in their car.