@envydatropic: Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you're into fitness
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@lloydrang: By age 30, most men have found that one special hairstyle they want to spend the rest of their life with.
@simoncholland: [sitting at a table] Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across. Me: crosses out and writes new number *thermostat negotiations*
@NicestHippo: "Let's go around the room & name our biggest fears" SUPERMAN: Kryptonite BATMAN: Bats MARIO: When a turtle slowly walks in my direction