@envydatropic: Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you're into fitness
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@Sirrruh: Life has taught me if you go to the store for milk and you're high, you won't buy milk. You will spend half your rent on hot pockets though.
@pattonoswalt: Hey Ben Carson, at this point in your craziness? Just say you're Iron Man. What could it hurt?
@murrman5: I'm off to the store got your wallet? yes you sure? YES *hour later wife turns on news and I'm being chased by 6 cop cars and a helicopter*
@iGreenMonk: I touch myself when I think of you Oh! Wait It's not what you're thinking, I mean I'm mostly scratching my head wondering what I saw in you.