@Maxine12333: Always keep your head up and stand proud! That way your double chin won't show in your pictures.
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@IwanWil: I'm getting really good at this parenting thing. I just secretly ate 3 oreos while my kids were in the same room.
@MeatloafComedy: My pants embarrassed me in front of a chick again. How many times must I tell them that it's rude to point???
@dafloydsta: [therapy] HIM: Should we talk about the elephant in the room? ME: I don't like to talk about him ELEPHANT: Ok wow I'm like right here man